Fishing with Women by Bill Loehr Fly fishing is mostly a guy thing. I have no data to back me up, but I’d be willing to venture, that for every hundred fly fishermen who are male there might be one or two who are female. I know several women who fish, but they are greatly outnumbered by the men I know who fish. On the river, few women are seen fly fishing.  I have just looked through several catalogs from fly fishing supply houses, examining their ads for fishing trips. While there are a few females in the promotional pictures, there aren’t very many, and those who appear, seem to be in several different ads.  Could it be that the owners of these businesses cajoled their wives or girlfriends into appearing in several of the pictures?  Please excuse the statistical excess, but also I see that the proportion of females in the photos seems inversely correlated with the location’s distance from the equator. Maybe the cajoling is easier when there is clear turquoise water and a beach in the background. Political correctness is not my strong point. I use the term “fisherman”, instead of “fisherwoman” or “fisherperson”, and do so without blushing. Indeed, I see that my word processor underlines in red the words “fisherwoman” and “fisherperson”, but it takes no notice of “fisherman”. My thoughts on fishing with women may be considered insensitive by some, but I mean no offense.  My ideas should be taken in the spirit of trying to help relationships prosper while touting fly fishing as a noble endeavor. Men who are addicted to fly fishing can develop a relationship with women where both parties are satisfied. But, this requires a bit of work. There is no obvious reason why women do not take to fly fishing.  Many have and many are good at it.  Joan Wulff is one of the best regarded names in the sport, and has been for over fifty years[1]. She was an accomplished fly fisher long before she met her equally famous husband. She did not need him to teach her. Most guide services have one or two female guides on their roster and they are as good as the guys.  I have heard of families where all the women fish and the men do not.  Nevertheless, these women are greatly outnumbered by their male counterparts. Since female fly fishermen are very few, the chance of “landing one” as a spouse is slim. Therefore, most male fly fishermen at some point entertain the idea of getting their female companion or wife interested in the sport too.  A few have tried to do this. Some fail miserably, losing the woman and perfectly good fishing gear as well. Many do not want to muck things up by even raising the fishing issue.  Few men have succeeded in transferring and sharing their enthusiasm for fly fishing to their spouse. Few women are just hanging around waiting for someone to take them fishing. The way to a women’s heart is not through fishing. Some will agree to try fishing, but tire of it later, well after the relationship has progressed on other fronts. It is risky for a guy, who, in his enthusiasm, thinks that his wife or companion enjoys fishing when she does not. After all, he wants her to like it. If she is a good sport, which most are, she will try it, but when the issue of squandering an entire vacation on fly fishing comes up, her true preferences will show.  The number of wives on streams that I have fished, indicates that few of them fall for fishing. Why should she fish?  Why any of us fish is not clear. She may understand if her father fished and taught her when she was a child. Indeed, during the early days of courting it may be wise to find out whether or not this is the case. If it is, she may already fish or at least be willing to give it a try. The book, Reel Women, reviews the careers of several women who are accomplished fly fishers. Almost all of them were taught as children, usually by their fathers. Don’t push it. She doesn’t need to fish. If she already has an interest in compatible alternatives such as birdwatching or hiking she will make a great fishing companion even if she does not “do it”. At least she will understand that you like to fish, even if she doesn’t go along with you. Women who want to fish to follow through on some killer instinct or who want to participate in the male bonding should not be encouraged. When the question of teaching your companion to fly fish comes up, resist.  Don’t do it.  She probably won’t like it, nor understand why you do it. At best, you will get some satisfaction out of having tried. At worst, you can screw up an otherwise fine relationship. But some of you will object. You will attempt to teach wives and girlfriends anyway, despite the odds.  A bit of advice is in order.  For starters, the outfit is most important.  If you think that you can convince her to start out by wearing old clothes and a used pair of your waders, forget it.  To make any headway at all you will have to invest in new stuff.  Lightweight, Gortex waders are a must.  Waders run the danger of making a woman’s lower half look like the Michelin Man, and most women are very sensitive on the wader issue. The slimmer the better.  The waders must be matched with light-weight, felt-soled shoes.  Cleats and studs are not acceptable: they add to the weight and make a disagreeable sound when walking on pavement. I have one female friend whose husband is attempting to introduce to fly fishing, and the waders are more important to her than rod, reel and net.  They have a slim fit and she enjoys wading around in the river, something that she has never been able to do before.  Indeed, she spends most of her time on the river walking around in it.  Yes, I know, she doesn’t get it yet, but there’s hope. The fishing wardrobe must be properly accessorized.  She will need a few of those beautifully made Patagonia Flats Shirts in pastel colors, and a hat.  Beware of those hats with the long flap in the back that make her look like T.E. Lawrence.  Those will never do.  A slim vest is needed too, preferably one that does not restore the Michelin Man look.  A fashionable vest with lots of small pockets looks best after a good dry cleaning, and women like all those little compartments to store chap stick, bug spray, a mirror and the requisite cosmetics in.  You must be patient in accumulating this gear and you may even have to go shopping. Keep in mind that to her, the rod, reel and line are the least important parts of the fishing outfit.  Take advantage of this.  Buy her a new rod that you want for yourself anyway.  She may tire of the whole enterprise and you end up with the rod that you want without having to justify it beforehand. The importance of the right outfit was driven home to me a few weeks ago while heading out to fish the Middle Fork of the San Joaquin where it runs through Devils Postpile National Monument.  Sherry, my wife of thirty years, who has not fished a minute in her life, was along to take some pictures of me fishing.  The river was shrouded in beautiful autumn leaves and the late afternoon light was just right.  We hiked down the trail for a couple of miles before cutting away to the river.  “Did you see that couple we passed, the ones with the fishing stuff?”, she asked.  Indeed, I had and I noted that they were carrying what looked like six-weights to fish a three-weight river.  Downright silly if you ask me. “Not that.  Did you see their outfits?”  And of course I had not. The guy was of middle age and the woman, with whom he was holding hands, was decked out in clean, slim waders, still showing creases from the box.  She had on a light blue cotton shirt, long sleeved, with those hidden under-arm vents.  Probably one of those Patagonia beauties.  She was topped off with a very clean, light colored, baseball cap, that had been carefully put in place so as to leave the perfect blonde coif undisturbed. She was protected by the latest polarized, wrap-around sun glasses. She was about twenty. At best, this relationship was not centered on fishing.  At worst it was doomed.  As soon as the shine wears off the waders and she gets a size six barbed nymph through her ear, she’ll drop fishing like a hot rock.  At least that was Sherry’s opinion, which she offered as she imagined the same woman dressed in my own, well-traveled gear.  I had waded into the river as she was telling me this, and I was trying out my first few casts.  Since she was taking pictures, she asked if I could remove the yellow pack I was wearing and put it out of sight.  I did not consider the pack unsightly, though even I had to admit that it was probably the first pack ever made by Jan Sport, and it looked like it had been used to haul coal.  Next, my hat had to go.  It’s a nice hat, one of those made of a mesh material, but I had forgotten to rinse it after a recent backpack trip. I had used it to strain pasta, and the color was off.  Next, there was an objection to my vest.  It is the only fishing vest I have ever had, and I like it a lot, but I have been keeping floatant in the same pocket for over thirty years. It looks like someone had drained fresh-cooked bacon on that side.  Finally, I was instructed to wade out deeply enough to hide my wading shoes.  I almost always wade wet, and my legs are on the skinny side.  My legs, in the big wading shoes and neoprene socks, looked like a couple of inverted portabellos. For the sake of a picture, she had stripped me of my entire outfit. My garb is not extraordinary.  It is well used.  It is what that woman on the trail should be willing to wear if she were primarily interested in fishing.  We both suspected that she was really not interested in fish, and that she would soon tire of walking around in waders. So if you insist upon trying to teach your beloved to fly fish start with the outfit.  Tell her she looks great in it, and slyly buy a new rod and reel for her.  But keep in mind the following points as well: · Don’t give her the first lesson yourself.  It may be OK to take her out on the back lawn at home and try to teach her to cast, but don’t try more than that.  As soon as you are on the river you will want to fish.  And fish you should.  Hire a good guide, preferably a female one, to do the teaching.  You have already dropped fifteen hundred bucks on the outfit, so another three fifty on the guide is well worth it. · When you go out together for the first time take her to a place that is pretty and not intimidating. She will not take to a technical river like the San Juan, nor to a big one in a blazing hot sagebrush desert like the Miracle Mile on the North Platte.  Avoid that stretch of the Big Horn, about six or seven miles below Yellowtail Dam, where great quantities of ancient and dilapidated farm machinery have been tossed in the river.  Ditto for the Colorado River near Kremmling, where Troublesome Creek dumps in among junked cars. I know a spot on the Dolores where a rusted old car body is always good for a nice rainbow. An old Studebaker truck may make for good holding water, but they are not pretty. · Choose your terrain carefully.  Try a smallish mountain stream. She will be shy about wading in a raging torrent and demure about rock hopping.  Small streams are more solitary, so she will not be embarrassed by crowds watching her get tangled in her leader.  · She will get tangled in her leader. Be patient. · Don’t underestimate the distance that she will have to walk to the river in her waders.  If you think it will take ten minutes, say it will take fifteen. You might forget that you have to walk back.  She will not. · When you take her out for the first few times, take her out for less time than you would like to fish for.  The fifteen hour day that you are used to is not what she wants. · She is unlikely to enjoy getting up before the crack of dawn to arrive on a river before the sun does.  If she has to wear ski clothes under her waders its too cold. A few hours fishing on a warm evening may be just the ticket. · No bushwhacking. Take her to streams that you can walk up to without much fuss.  Some of your favorite places are probably shrouded in brush or down a steep gully.  If she gets into fishing there will be plenty of time to take her there later. · Remember that her concept of bugs and yours differ. Explain which bugs are the ones that you want to see and be ready for war against all others.  If it is buggy, cut the day short.  If it is raining, cut it shorter.  If it is both, don’t go at all. · Don’t fish while its snowing. · Take a proper lunch.  Slim Jims and a warm Coors is not a proper lunch.  When you take a real lunch you should actually stop fishing to eat it. Sit in the sun; enjoy the day.   Those of you who follow my advice will not try to teach your wife or girlfriend to fly fish, but you are not off the hook.  You want to fish, and somehow you have to rig the relationship so that you can get away with it. You must train her so that you can fish.  Most wives do not come fully prepared to accommodate a fly fisherman.  Remember, she doesn’t understand why fishing is so compelling; nor do you. Try explaining to yourself , out loud, why fly fishing is so absorbing. You see, it is not easy.  Imagine her difficulty in understanding something that you yourself cannot put clearly into words.  Other things that she may not fully understand are: · Costs.  You already know how much the good equipment costs, so there is no need to dwell on that here.  Indeed, there is no need to dwell on it with her either.  Take a lesson from the federal government. This is the one issue where vagueness is a virtue. Short of lying, there is no way to get around the cost of good gear.  However, the good stuff lasts forever. Some of my fly tying materials may have cost a bit up front, but I have used them for a long time.  Sure, a good grizzly neck may cost $85, but the thing will produce a thousand flies and last for years. I have reels that are fifty years old, and they work fine. Rod styles change from time to time, but good ones are useable until they are broken. Be ready for the question “How many rods do you need anyway?” If you can come up with a good response, e-mail it to me. · The vacation issue.  You will not get away with spending all of your vacation time fishing. Assure her that you will take a non-fishing vacation together and that you will spend only a few of your days off fishing.  Actually doing that is hard, particularly for those of you who have only two or three weeks off per year.  Unfortunately I have few words of advice for you, since I have never had a job important enough to occupy me so fully.  There may be a few opportunities to combine fishing with other things on a vacation but these are rare.  For example, you might combine a trip to Costa Rica with a few days of tarpon fishing, but even there you are pushing your luck.  She will only fall once for the “lets go to Yellowstone” routine. · Space for the fishing equipment needs to be agreed upon.  You have rods, waders, wading shoes, vests and other gear that needs a place. Some of this can be messy.  If you are short on closet space you are in trouble.  Convince her that you can fit it all in your space.  Eventually she’ll get used to it and it can slowly spill into other places.  Where to park the drift boat will come up. Assure her that you won’t park it in her half of the garage. · Gear should not be stored in the car, particularly in her car.  Keeping frequently used waders in the back of the family SUV will not increase her tolerance for your fly fishing quirks. · Fly tying materials should not be kept on the dining room table for weeks on end. The last thing you want is for her to sit down to dinner next to what appears to be, and is, the dried face of a dead rabbit. · She may not understand the fishing schedule. Sherry has often asked “...and what time will you be back?”  I never have a good response, for that depends on how good the fishing is. If you plan to be back in the early evening, lets say in time for dinner, don’t say that.  You know already that if caddis are coming off the water at dusk, and trout are sucking them down, you won’t be off the stream until its pitch dark. My suggested response is to make your projected return as late as possible, so that if you do stay late you are covered. In fact, you should probably get her used to you coming in late.  Make it a point to always stay on the stream until dark and she will always make it a point to have dinner without you.  Never, never, underestimate your return time. So in the end, there is no need to teach your female companion to fly fish. She may never understand why fly fishing is so compelling, but then, neither do you.  If you handle it right she will appreciate your passion for the sport and accommodate the quirkiness that it brings to your lives. Leave well enough alone.  Don’t try to teach her to fish. [1]A search on Google for AJoan Wulff@ produces over 2100 citations.  I have not read all of them. Hatches Magazine Subscription Price: $6.95 for each issue The Premiere issue is ready for shipping & the Fall 2008 issue will be available September 1st. Hatches Magazine Subscription Price: $6.95 for each issue The Premiere issue is ready for shipping & the Fall 2008 issue will be available September 1st.